


Toilet Talk

by orphan_account



Series: HSWC 2014 - Bonus Rounds [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Humor, Pesterlog, discussions of poop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-14
Updated: 2014-06-14
Packaged: 2018-02-04 16:31:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1785820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>CG: THE GAPER TISSUE ON THIS METEOR IS VIRTUALLY USELESS. I FUCKING HATE IT.<br/>TG: what the fucks wrong with your ass the tp here is totally fine</p>
            </blockquote>





	Toilet Talk

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted as [a fill for HSWC.](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/19285.html?thread=4538197&posted=1#cmt4590165)

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--  
CG: THE GAPER TISSUE ON THIS METEOR IS VIRTUALLY USELESS. I FUCKING HATE IT.  
TG: what the fucks wrong with your ass the tp here is totally fine  
CG: THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH MY ASS, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.  
CG: BUT THIS STUFF IS AS THIN AS PLUCKED-APART SNOT PAPERS. YOU HAVE TO WRAP ABOUT HALF THE ROLL AROUND YOUR HAND LIKE SOME SORT OF LOAD GAPER MUMMY TO ACTUALLY GET AN ACCEPTABLE LAYER.  
TG: you need to be more mindful of our resources what if your overenthusiastic shitting and tp use means we run into a shortage  
CG: WE CAN ALWAYS ALCHEMIZE MORE.  
TG: then why dont you just alchemize better toilet paper  
TG: bam problem solved  
TG: im on fire  
TG: like apparently your ass with all your runny poops  
CG: ONCE AGAIN, MY ASS IS PERFECTLY FUNCTIONAL AND MY SHITS ARE AVERAGE.  
CG: JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE A DISGUSTING CRETIN WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF PERSONAL HYGIENE DOESN'T MEAN WE ALL ARE.  
CG: FURTHERMORE, I WOULD ALCHEMIZE FLUFFIER GAPER TISSUE IF I HAD THE CODE FOR IT.  
TG: so dick around with it then if its so important  
TG: your precious bulbous ass is too good for our commoner tp  
TG: commoner tp which is way more practical ill have you know  
TG: if you know how to use it that is  
TG: i know not all of us are actually thoughtful bathroom users who manage not to get piss everywhere  
CG: I ALREADY TOLD YOU, THE PEE ON THE SEAT WAS *NOT ME*!!!  
CG: THAT WAS GAMZEE.  
CG: I'M BUSY TRYING TO KEEP THE CLOWN FOR MURDERING YOU. I DO NOT HAVE THE ENERGY TO DEAL WITH HIS AT-BEST-QUESTIONABLE CLEANLINESS HABITS AS WELL!  
TG: so either you totally did get pee on the seat or else youre just psycho best friends with someone who pees on the seat  
TG: and you want ridiculous plumbing clogging ass tissue  
TG: ps when that clogs the toilet you get to deal with that and if you dont im gonna go back in time and make you crap your own pants in revenge  
CG: “PLUMBING CLOGGING”? ALL GAPER TISSUE IS SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED FOR PUTTING INTO THE LOAD GAPER!  
CG: ACCORDINGLY, IT DOESN'T CLOG IT. IF YOU'VE EVER HAD A CLOGGED TOILET, IT'S BECAUSE OF YOUR VILE DIET OF SUGAR AND FRIED THINGS AND CONGEALED MOLDY MILK.  
TG: its called cheese and its the complete opposite of vile  
TG: ive never had a clogged toilet because unlike some people i dont make poops the size of a tire  
CG: SO YOU'RE NOT ONLY SUGGESTING THAT I HAVE MASSIVELY HUGE DUMPS, BUT THAT THEY'RE RING-SHAPED?!  
TG: idk youre an alien you probably poop weird


End file.
